Life, Weight loss journey

Let’s talk relationships ..

No no, not the human-human kind. The human-food kind.

That’s always been a trigger point for me. When I used to hear people talk about their “relationship with food” I used to think “what is this? Declaring your undying love for McDonalds Mozzarella dippers?” Because … I could get on board there.

It’s only really since being in my twenties that I have truly come to realise what that phrase means. Total honesty, my relationship with food is shit. I’d even go as far as to say toxic right now.

I’m a serial dieter. I’ve done weight watchers, 5:2 and the one I’ve stuck at more than not, Slimming World. I’m currently a member, but you’d be forgiven for spitting your brew out in disbelief if you were in a fly-on-the-wall kinda sitch in my house this week (for week; see year)

I had Noah April 2019. I’ve used that as an excuse for my eating and my weight ever since.

I use so many excuses to forgive my eating habits. Time of the month, tired, feeling down, celebrating something, just living life and most recently, sod it, COVID. We deserve it this year, it’s nearly Christmas it’s reight.

But, will I hit 17 and a half stone again before I do something about it? I’m creeping back towards 15 stone now and I’ll be honest, I feel like crap! I’m lethargic, my clothes are feeling tighter and I just feel disgusting.

At times, I hate my post-pregnancy body. Imagine a balloon that you find behind the sofa 3 days after the party ..

But then I think, this body grew my amazing son. You go bod! But then, why am I punishing my body so much when it gave me Noah? I need to seriously start taking notice of what I’m putting in my gob. Don’t get me wrong, Christmas will be something special in terms of food. It always is and that’s one of my favourite parts.

But, removing that exception, I need to change. I need to regroup, refresh and remind myself how good it felt getting down to my lowest weight. Exercising regularly. Cooking fresh and tasty meals. Enjoying treats in moderation rather than binging every single night in front of the tele. It’s become a habit and it’s one I need to break and fast.

Tomorrow, I will be getting in touch with my Slimming World consultant to create a POA.

I don’t know why I thought you’d all want to read this. Maybe I just needed to say it out loud anonymously. Either way, thank you for being one hell of a good (collective) listener.

Much love ❤️

Life, Musings

Damn it’s been too long …

Hey! I know, I know. Where have I been till this time right?

Life kinda sucks right now and I’m struggling with my own name some days. Motherhood is one of the most amazing yet challenging things I’ve ever done too. I really think the manuals need updating or something because some of this stuff definitely wasn’t mentioned beforehand.

Anyway, the point of this post. I’m on a page on Facebook and the owner/author of that page wants people to have a voice. Share their story if you will. So, I did. And I’d now like to share it with all of you.

So, as I lie here writing this at 02:00am, I’m listening to my 19 month old son singing away to himself in his cot in the next room.
You’d think I’d be fuming. I mean kid, it’s 2am, mama don’t got a drink in her hand and she ain’t dropping shapes to Mr Brightside, confessing her undying love for complete strangers before stumbling in to the nearest kebab house for a tray of donner meat 🤢
No, I’m led here because I can’t possibly fall asleep while you’re still awake. We’ve just spent an hour listening to you screaming in pain (we presume) and sobbing your little heart out unless Mama held you in her arms. Because of this, my pretty fucked up brain is telling me that if I fall asleep before I know you’re sleeping soundly, something bad will happen and I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone.
Fuck. That got real dark real fast right?
I lost my first baby. 16th December 2017. 11 weeks. We decided to give her a name as it made it less clinical for us than “it” “the baby”. Daisy. She’d have been Daisy, if she’d have been a girl. Of course at 11 weeks, we had no way of knowing. I’d had a few signs though. It helped us to grieve.
Since then, my mental health has yo-yo’d.
Not long after it happened, my husband was due to go for his monthly haircut. A regular occurrence as you can see. This particular day, I told him he’d have to take me to my mum’s. I couldn’t be on my own. I said at least then, if he didn’t come back, I wouldn’t be alone. I was convinced he wasn’t really going for a haircut. I was convinced he was leaving me because I was just a hot mess. Of course, he wasn’t leaving me and we’re still very much going strong today with our gorgeous little Noah.
Tomorrow (Monday), I begin a brand new role as a trainee education mental health practitioner and I could not be more excited. Mental health NEEDS more awareness, more attention, more voices. People need the support and what better time to start it, than at school. Being based in the primary school team gives me the chance to help children, possibly as young as 4 or 5 years old. That’s incredible and will be so valuable.

Well, in the words of Cameron Diaz in The Holiday (epic Xmas film) “and that’s my tragic little story”. No seriously though, people need to talk. Nothing is ever “just” or “little” or “insignificant”. If it worries or upsets you, it’s a problem that needs addressing.
Hope this helps even just one person ♥️

Much love, I’ll be back soon, promise

Mrs M x

For the love of books., Life, Musings

A pretty good reason

Yep, but for *reason*, see “excuse” ha.

The steer for this post is that, for the first time in a whole lotta years, I don’t have time to read. At least, not as much as I’d like and the reason behind this is being a new mum.

People weren’t lying. It’s amazing but oh my, it’s exhausting. Like, after the madness of the morning nappy-bottle-dressed-story-playtime routine, once Noah is asleep, I either sit staring at the television which is usually mid-Friends or Glee binge, or I try and tackle a few of the many jobs waiting to be done in the house.

Even when I do decide to pick up a book, I usually lose concentration after a couple of pages. This is a matter of great distress for me as I’m an avid reader, often leaning towards the chick-lit genre but I certainly have a penchant for crime/thriller/mystery books too.

When I started my maternity leave at the end of March, I read loads. I actually read 8 books from the beginning of March to the end of April when I had Noah. That’s the kind of pace I usually keep but it’s not been possible since then.

We are both keen readers. We are those people who go to the library to return books and say “we aren’t getting any more out, we have hundreds at home that we need to read” before leaving the library with another pile to add to the collection.

We’re already trying to pass on our love of losing yourself in a literary dreamworld to Noah. He already has an impressive basket full of books and he is already showing an interest in us reading to him which is incredible to see.

We are currently using all our spare time revamping our house as we’ve been here 5 years and it still feels a little lifeless. Any home decor hints and tips, please feel free to pass them on.

Thanks for reading this far fellow blogger.

Until next time x

Uncategorized

The greater the storm, the brighter the rainbow.

Wow, it’s been so long since I wrote a blog post. But, let’s just say, we’ve been a little distracted since Summer 2018.

First of all, in August 2018, we spent 5 days away in Cornwall. It’s got to be up there with one of my favourite places on earth. So beautiful, so much to do. I will get round to doing a separate Cornwall post at some point.

But this post is dedicated to what can only be described as my most outstanding accomplishment to date. The birth of my son.

At 23:11 on 25th April 2019, after 36 hours of labour, we welcomed our son, Noah Isaac Mulrooney in to the World vis emergency C-Section.

We are incredibly smitten and the last almost 9 weeks have been the happiest of my life.

I’m hoping that I can keep updating my blog with wonderful stories, photos and anecdotes of our beautiful baby boy.

Until next time x

Life

A letter to my husband.

Dear Tom,

I know, you’ll be thinking what is this clown doing? Why is she writing me a letter when we text all the time and we are together every night. Well, the reason I’m writing you this letter is because there is so much I need to say and I feel like I don’t say it enough in any other way.

In July 2011, you absolutely made all my dreams come true. You asked me to be your girlfriend and I couldn’t have been happier. We got to know each other better gradually and ended up as the most loved up couple, according to many people.

We have shared holidays, Christmases, birthdays, weddings, engagements, house moves and so much more. But, I would not have wanted to go through any of that or experience any of the wonderful things I’ve experienced, without you by my side.

I honestly didn’t think I could be any happier. But then, in November 2013, you asked me to be your wife. Planning our wedding was so exciting and walking down the aisle towards you on our perfect day was the most important walk I’ve ever done. I’ve loved you wholeheartedly for 2781 days. That love grows more every single day.

Skipping on to 31st October 2017 and the news we’d been awaiting for so long finally arrived. We were going to have a baby. We were going to be parents. We couldn’t contain our excitement and told more people than we initially wanted to. We said “if something is going to happen, it’ll happen regardless of who we tell”. Well, how apt those words were. Because, just over 6 weeks later, those words became a reality. We lost our baby. Our dream turned in to a nightmare. But we didn’t just lose a newborn baby. We lost a toddler, a teenager, a future. I’ve never been in such a dark place before. But again, as always, you were right where I needed you to be. Holding me, letting me cry, shout, sleep. Washing my hair because I was physically and emotionally empty. You were the husband I’d always wished for. The best friend I never realised I needed.

As we always do, we got through. We came out of that dark place and we started to grow again, as individuals and as a couple.

One thing that has never faltered, is our love for each other. The respect we have for one another. We’ve always treated the other as our equal, our partner. That shows pure strength of a marriage.

In 2018, we had so much to look forward to. Parties, our mini holiday to Cornwall and another Mulrooney wedding. What we didn’t know, was that we were to again, get the exciting news that we dreamt of. We were expecting our second baby. We were cautious, naturally but look at where we are now. Look at our wriggly, active baby lamb.

We are so close to our happily ever after and I truly believe that we are going to be the strongest family unit.

I want to end this letter by telling you how unbelievably proud I am of you. You work so hard, you take on extra work and you’re completing extra academic studies too. Yet you still find the time to keep our home looking beautiful. I really am the luckiest woman on the earth and our baby is going to learn so much from you.

All my love,

Alex

xxx

Life

Every day just feels like a year.

Fertility problems. I hate them. I hate having PCOS. Why? Because that, among other things I’m sure, are denying me the one thing I want. One thing. That’s all I ask. It’s not much. My dream came true last year, I was pregnant. I was going to be a mum. I didn’t even get to my 12 week scan when that dream was shattered. I don’t know how I’m meant to feel. Should I be happy that I can even get pregnant at all? Should I be grateful that I’m still “only young” and have plenty of time yet? Well, I don’t feel those things. I don’t. I feel angry, sad, cheated. I see so many people around me getting pregnant, having babies, growing their families. Yet, me and Tom have to stand by and watch it all with an empty home, an empty womb and a heavy heart. Because that’s how I feel. I feel empty. Incomplete. I know there’s people worse off than us, in a worse situation. I know that. But I don’t care. There, I said it. I don’t care about everyone else, I care about me and Tom. I cry at night because of our empty spare bedroom which should have been home to a newborn baby two weeks ago. Nobody else’s. I cry for all the Christmas days that pass by as another year of being a couple instead of a family rolls round. I cry because I am being horrible and selfish and downright stupid. I also cry because it’s all I know how to do right now. It’s the only release I’ve got. I cry, not even because it helps because it really doesn’t, but because at least then I’ll feel something. Anything other than numb uselessness. I’ll feel a sense of existence at least. Even the pain is becoming more of a dull, consistent ache. Joy doesn’t stick around much at the moment, a passing guest, if at all.

All I want, is to be a mum.

Life

The heartbreak is real.

So, that is now 11 pregnant people that I know. 11. I know, I’m being completely selfish but, it’s surely gotta be us next. I feel like I’m constantly waiting. Spending my whole life waiting. I am so ready to be a mum, so what the hell is going on? “It’ll happen when the time is right” I’m so sick of hearing that. We know it’s right now! We know what we want and how much we want it.

Not feeling great right now. Not great.

X

Life, Musings, Weight loss journey

Maintain for yourself this week .. How do you feel? Well…

Gotta say, at the time, I was fuming! I had stuck to plan 100%, done my body magic, drunk water. But, Aunty Flo decided to turn up uninvited on Sunday. Having PCOS, I never know what my cycle is going to do, but it always seems to turn up when I am SO not ready for it. So, I stepped on the scales, really expecting a great result and they said, “you’ve maintained”. I smiled and said “Ah that’s fine, that’s ok”. It wasn’t fine. It wasn’t OK. I sat down and I felt so naffed off, especially because Tom lost 3.5lbs and we had both stuck to it together. But, I felt heavier, I felt bloated so when I sat and thought about it, I was actually happy not to have gained weight with my period bloating. But, I know that, because I’m going to stick to 100% again, I will definitely lose that weight on Monday.

Now then, on to a much nicer subject. I went to a baby shower last Sunday at a wonderful little cafe called Scarlett Tea Rooms which is situated in Burnley. I had pre-planned and messaged the owners and explained that I follow Slimming World and they were really accommodating. They substituted white bread for brown, they held the butter and they left my clotted cream on the side so that I could decide whether or not to eat it. They also provided a little pot of muller light yoghurt with mixed berries on the top. So thoughtful and they really made my experience there so perfect. I have promised myself that next time I visit, it will be an off-plan visit.

Continue reading “Maintain for yourself this week .. How do you feel? Well…”

Life, Musings, Weight loss journey

Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be.. SLIMMER :-)

Hey everyone!

So, I’ve decided to update at least once a week. It will probably end up being weekends when I have a little more time to sit and chat to you all. So it’ll be a little bit of weekly news, some weekend wonders and our weekly weigh-in results.

So this week we have started watching “13 Reasons Why” on Netflix. Wow isn’t it good? Very well done so far. We have also decided to give Love Island a go this year on the recommendation of friends. We are actually really enjoying it too haha. Gotta love the drama haha. We made the decision to give up watching soaps last year for the simple reason that if we didn’t get time to watch them during the week, it would end up being like hours and hours of watching time at the weekend. So now we have more time to read, watch more dramas, films, etc and just generally have more time not tied to silly soaps.

Continue reading “Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be.. SLIMMER :-)”

Life, Weight loss journey

Our Slimming World Journey.

Good afternoon one and all. I know, two posts in two days. No wonder the house is half painted haha.

I’ve decided to write a post dedicated to our slimming world journey because it has been just that, a journey. Ups, downs, happiness, sadness and lots and lots of food!

I have been a slimming world member a number of times in the past. I first joined when I was younger with my mum. We then re-joined and re-joined. And re-joined again. For some reason; peer pressure as a teenager, laziness, denial maybe, I quit every time.

I re-joined again a few years ago but again, this didn’t last and I soon began telling myself that, although I hadn’t followed the plan for 60% of the week, that gain was unjustified. I was kidding myself and paying £4.95 a week for the privilege.

Then, 2017 saw myself and Tom (Mr M) referred to the gynaecologist to discuss our struggle becoming pregnant. The consultant told us that they would book us in for some investigations but that I needed to lose some weight. She recommended Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Calorie Counting etc. I explained I had done Slimming World before and would give it another go. As we were leaving the hospital, Tom said to me that we would join together. I smiled from ear to ear because I know how much easier it is to lose weight when you’re doing it together. Support is key in this journey.

Continue reading “Our Slimming World Journey.”